Welcome back kids!!! We are down under… and while the matches play on in my background, I am going to give you a breakdown of the seeded players who went out in the first round… you know… like I do… although, I am sure there will be some colorful commentary because this has been a WILD ride in three days of the first round… I hope you have your bucket hats on, because you are going to need them…

Let’s start with the boys and well… I have a STINKER of one… Apparently #20 Cobolli wasn’t feeling to well and after he dropped the game, he needed to drop some kids off at the pool… poor guy… he ran off the court looking for the loo… EEK! Not a good way to start off the year and subsequently was knocked out by the qualifier Fery, 7-6(1), 6-4, 6-1… Marozsan from Hungary took out #24 Rinderknech of France in four sets, 6-3, 6-4, 6-7 (2), 6-4… RETIREMENT from #7 Auger-Aliassime of Canada to Borges… 3-6, 6-4, 6-4… obviously, I don’t like a retirement… I think there were quite that many people out of shape… the heat hasn’t been too terrible, yet… so, I don’t know… very odd honestly… maybe something in the water? #17 Lehecka of Czechia with a loss to Gea… 7-5, 7-6(1), 7-5… not that Lehecka has made very deep runs at the majors… but, he has a great game, sad he can’t put it together to take a couple wins at least… Get out… #23 Griekspoor of the Nederlands has not been playing well as of late… Maybe he will put it together when the clay court kicks back in… and maybe not… a loss to Quinn in straight sets, 6-2, 6-3, 6-2… and out you go… #27 Nakashima of the USA is down and out to van de Zandschulp in four sets, 6-3, 4-6, 7-6(1), 7-6(3)… it was a bit of a battle, but in the end, the Dutchman was too much for the American… (sorry James K, fun pick though!)… #28 Fonseca of Brazil is done for the AO… what is the hype with him… it seems it is mainly based on potential… I got bored with as many mistakes he was making on very elemental shots… His loss to Spizzirri wasn’t any surprise to me after watching this match… I think this boy needs to check in his ego for a couple of minutes, maybe shine up some shots and try again next year… 6-4, 2-6, 6-1, 6-2…

OH Ladies… #11 Alexandrova is ousted by Sonmez 7-5, 4-6, 6-4… Jacquemot knocks out #20 Kostyuk of the Ukraine… very tight match but… enough is enough… 6-7(4), 7-6(4), 7-6(7)… remember at the majors there is a 10 point tie-breaker in the deciding set if they reach 6-6… NOW, did you see the VERY creepy stalker lady in the stands… front row? OMG… sooooooo odd… She had a lovely sparkly sign that said something like “GO Kostyuk,” very generic… but, Kostyuk has on a very cute outfit… pastel pink with white lines that mimic the lines of the court… She was wearing a dark version of the same style at the US Open… but the woman in the stands was wearing the SAME OUTFIT!!! I don’t know… that takes it to a new level… mouth agape and praying for a miracle that she is still alive… #32 Vondrousova withdrew at the last minute and was replaced by Lucky Loser Townsend who faced Baptiste of the USA… Great match… so much desire to do well… Baptiste takes the match 6-3, 6-7(3), 6-3… #15 Navarro of the USA (billionaire) loses her first round match to Linette 3-6, 6-3, 6-3… tee hee hee… ok, I know… most of these people come from money… so… I should put a sock in it… but… this is next level… so… I will put a sock in you… how about them apples… Not a HUGE shock, but #26 Yastremska is out to Ruse… The Ukrainian has only beat Ruse once out of five meetings… so a 6-4, 7-5 result is par for this course… Tjen takes out #22 Fernandez of Canada… very tight second set, but Tjen is an up and coming player… (nicely called Dan and Kresimir) we see her… 6-3, 7-6(1)… Fun match, in case you missed it… Sloane Stephens v. Karolina Pliskova… they have both been out for foot injuries and surgeries… and here they are at AO26 facing each other… 7-6(7), 6-2 was the end score and although Stephens has a winning record over Pliskova, this time the Czech player got the “W” – not too bad for a couple of old ladies in their early thirties… wait… what does that make me?!!?!? Yes, I heard you… Another interesting match was Keys v Oliynykova… the Ukrainian player was having the BEST TIME out on the court… she has face tattoos and a neck tattoo… she is very interesting to look at and she had a very unorthodox game… lots of lobs and moon balls… it was HILARIOUS!!! Keys was fighting to stay in the first set… and finally took it 7-6(6), 6-1… A very fun watch and she stayed on the Court signing autographs and enjoying the moment… I am all for it!!! Keys was very kind clapping for her and letting her take the moment… I mean Keys was giving her winner speech and she was just signing autographs… #27 Kenin (the velociraptor…) stomping around after every point is OUT… she takes a loss from compatriot Sterns 6-3, 6-2… Kenin is still a shock winner over Muguruza… she won… but, totally a win out of left field… #30 Joint of Australia is out to an 18 year old Valentova in 6-4 x 2… I was sure I was familiar with the name and there it was 2024 junior champ in singles and doubles at Roland Garros… So, look for more from her… #18 Samsonova takes a loss to chaos demon, Siegemund who loses the first set in a bagel and then storms back for a win… 0-6 (BAGEL), 7-5, 6-4… ouch…

Everyone else stayed the course but we are entering round 2 and you know more is bound to come… the heat is expected to rise and be VERY hot on Saturday…

For YOU!!! OMG… I know you have been waiting… THREE LONG DAYS… just to see what the other idiots in the draw picked… Per usual, Kresimir is leading in both… but, as you also know… he will fall like a sack of potatoes in the 1850s… if you know, you know… Dan follows Kresimir in the Lady draw and Kelly is second in the Men’s draw… so… nicely done… don’t look behind you… it might be a bear… because those bitches are breathing on your neck… good luck…

Men’s Draw

Name	Points	Champion	Runner-up
Kresimir	50	Sinner	Alcaraz
Kelly	42	Alcaraz	Sinner
Eric	41	Sinner	Alcaraz
Peter	41	Sinner	Alcaraz
Dan	41	Sinner	Alcaraz
Phirman	40	Alcaraz	Sinner
Len	40	Sinner	Alcaraz
Denise	39	Alcaraz	Sinner
Kotonias	39	Alcaraz	Sinner

Women’s Draw

Name	Points	Champion	Runner-up
Kresimir	47	Sabalenka	Bencic
Dan	43	Rybakina	Sabalenka
Denise	41	Sabalenka	Anisimova
Peter	40	Sabalenka	Swiatek
Kotonias	40	Anisimova	Sabalenka
Len	40	Anisimova	Sabalenka
Kelly	39	Sabalenka	Swiatek
Eric	37	Sabalenka	Anisimova
Phirman	35	Anisimova	Sabalenka

Round one is in the books… congrats!!! I hope you are all well and enjoying the matches… It always goes sooo quickly… Appreciate you all! Have a great and amazing evening!

The Commish!